It has been almost a year since the custody agreement was signed, and I am living in a COVID world. Schools are shut down, travel is paused, and the world is divided on issues of education, medicine, and politics. I can’t help but remember how lucky I am. I have my child.

Our financial battle is still going. The courts shut down and everything is paused for COVID, but lawyers are still lawyering. Before the courts shut down I was ordered to pay my husband maintenance and support because he “isn’t working“, and there wasn’t much I can do to fight it because of the expense.

Luckily I am still employed and my income is in tact, so I am able to pay some portion of the insane legal fees that are still being incurred. Although I wouldn’t be able to do it without my father’s help.

The hostage situation occurred when my husband got a hold of the fact that my father was coming for a visit. I could not have been more excited to have my little family together for a few days – myself, my dad, and my daughter. It didn’t happen often so I really cherished the time.

As my daughter anxiously awaited for her grandfather to arrive, she waved the leftover kiddie fireworks above her head and pronounced, “I’m gonna do these with grandpa!!!”. We went to pick him up at the subway station and looked around everywhere for him. Finally, as my daughter licked the icey I bought her to calm down her excitement, I heard a shriek – “There’s grandpa!” My dad was waving from the other side of the street with a huge grin on his face. We scooped him up and walked back to my apartment. I was finally home with my family.

We ate dinner, relaxed on the couch, and slept peacefully. The next morning was a “daddy day”, and my husband rang the buzzer to pick her up. It was a busy Monday morning and I was slammed with virtual meetings, so I asked my father to bring her downstairs. I didn’t think twice about the consequences.

My father was traveling on the east coast from California because he was moving my 97 year old grandfather across the country to live with my uncle. He spent a few weeks in Maryland getting my grandpa settled in before taking the train up to New York. Coincidentally, the CDC announced that California had become a “surge state” during this time and everyone that arrived from there to New York had to quarantine.

The night before my husband was supposed to drop my daughter back off at my place so we could all spend a final 2 days together as a family, I received the following text:

I am very afraid to transmit the virus to my father. I know that your father was in Maryland but I really need to know how long he was there.  I really can’t take chances. Please get back to me before the drop off tomorrow.  Please let me know if you can give me his flight itinerary. I hope that we can deal with this before the drop off.

I had a bad feeling. I immediately knew that he was opportunistically using the virus to do something horrible. I let him know my dad had been in Maryland a few weeks, but the texts continued…

Please let me know if you can give me his flight itinerary. I hope that we can deal with this before the drop off.

I really wasn’t interested in being bullied any further so I sent him the following reply…

I am not obligated to go have my father dig up his flight itinerary in order for u to drop off my child at the agreed time.

He obviously wasn’t going to stand down.

I am obligated to protect my child and my family. This is not a matter of obligation, it is a matter of common decency. If you don’t understand that my father is sick and I can’t risk this, then I have to make you understand. Please get me your father’s itinerary before drop of. Thank you.

The most obvious lie about this last text was that he was interested in protecting his child and his family. My daughter had already spent 2 days with my father before my husband picked her up. If he was so interested in protecting his family, shouldn’t he have turned around and gone home as soon as he saw that my daughter had been exposed to a California resident? That would be the most obvious way to protect his sick father from the spread of the virus. In any case, at this point I was pissed…

If u cared about protecting your children you wouldn’t have told lies about all of them to steal them from all their mothers. I did nothing indecent and am not putting your father in any danger. I will be expecting Nicoletta at the agreed time tomorrow. Moreover, Nicoletta has already spent a full day with my father. And you know that. So it is clear you are just trying to bully me.

He ignored this and replied…

You will get Nicoletta when I receive assurance that your father has been in Maryland, away from California for the appropriate period of time.  I guess our lawyers can discuss this in the morning.

The insane thing was that he did not care that his logic didn’t make sense. He did not care that my daughter was already expecting to be back with me and her grandfather the next day. All he cared about was power and control.

I woke up a nervous wreck the next day. Would he have the balls to breach the parenting agreement? Would my dad have to sacrifice seeing his granddaughter because of my husband’s antics?

The fight (and the billable hours) between the lawyers started early in the morning. His lawyer demanded my father’s travel schedule. My lawyer demanded the child. Threats were made to call the court. My daughter was never delivered to my house. My husband was using my daughter as a bargaining chip.

The pain and debilitating sadness of 2018 flooded over me. He had my child and I couldn’t get her back. I wanted to call the police, I yearned to scream at him, I wished he would drop dead. But, my lawyer wouldn’t allow me to get involved. The plan was to try to work it out and make a motion to the court as a backup. We were NOT going to roll over and deliver the travel schedule.

My dad reassured me that it was ok, at least he saw his granddaughter for a little while. I could barely feel my legs under me when we went outside for a walk. The sadness was crippling. The helplessness of not having access to my child on my prescribed day was inexplicable. The lawyers continued to battle. His lawyer was now saying that if we wouldn’t hand over my father’s travel schedule my daughter would have to quarantine for 2 weeks away from me. It make absolutely no sense.

Finally the attorneys got on the phone and my lawyer seemed to talk some sense into his. It was apparent that his lawyer was aware he didn’t have a leg to stand on, and tried to get his client to agree for my daughter to quarantine with me instead of him. It still didn’t make any sense for a multitude of reasons, but whatever. Just give me my kid.

The final agreement was that I would keep her for 2 weeks, wouldn’t go on an airplane during that time, and we would take “reasonable precautions” against COVID… which was what I was going to do anyway without his bullying. So he basically got nowhere.

I finally received my child back 2 days and 7 hours later than what was agreed. My father was already gone. My nerves were completely shot. Although my husband basically gained nothing through this escapade, I lost a lot – the thousands of dollars it cost to fight, my time with my family, and my sanity. But, none of it really mattered because I had my daughter.

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