The preparation for my impeding trial started long before negotiations did. Whether we were going to settle of not we had to be ready. The first order of business was for me to pay my lawyer a $100,000 retainer. This was apparently a really good deal.

Just to be clear, I was not upset at my lawyer that I had to pay him this money. He had been absolutely amazing throughout this whole ordeal – supporting me emotionally, giving me discounts wherever he could, and genuinely wanting to destroy my husband for what he did. The fact of the matter is that lawyers are really expensive, and it sucks.

Next we began to gather the facts…

1. My husband had an endless list of debts. He owed anywhere from a few thousand to $125,000 to several dozen vendors in the Adtech space. He owed my daughter’s school over $10,000. He owed my “therapist” several thousand. He owed thousands to friends we had in common. Most importantly he owed me money for the tens of thousands of dollars I spent on his portion of the forensic and supervision. This is only what we knew about. I am confident there is much more.
2. My husband and the 3 kids were living in a 3 br apartment in Manhattan with several balconies and all my furniture. The apartment rented at $5500/month. He was definitely not living like a pauper – riding around in Ubers, going out to dinners, shopping online.
3. My daughter’s older brothers live with my husband also. They are 17 and 20, but growing up they only got to see their mother every other weekend. They were taken from her on “abuse” allegations. She did not have the means to hire her own lawyer. All her other children live with her.
4. My husband was CONSTANTLY smoking around my daughter. He chain smoked cigarettes every time he was outside, and since she spent most of her time with him unfortunately she was the one inhaling it.
5. My white, non-Spanish speaking husband all of a sudden decided he was going to manage a Latin pop star toward the end of our marriage. He produced her Latin album and her Latin music video. He had no experience in the music industry. This lasted about a year and then just seemed to dissipate.
6. After a year long stint of managing a Latin pop star, he went into the dry cleaning business. Except the dry cleaner barely had any customers going in and out. And my husband mostly just stood outside, smoked cigarettes, and talked on the phone. My daughter had to sit with him at this dry cleaner any time he was there. One would wonder what was really going on.
7. My husband had 3 arrests with one of them being a felony drug arrest. Let’s just say felony drug arrests don’t happen to people that are just smoking a little pot.

In my opinion, a judge would have to be a fool to not realize that something is amiss. However, this was not guaranteed and there was always a chance that I could lose. The consequences of uncertainty were not something I was willing to put up with. My lawyer asked me, “Even if there is a 10% chance you could lose your child, would you take it?” Of course not. If I could avoid trial, I would.

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