2 days after the forensic report was released, we were scheduled to appear in court. This was the day that supervision was supposed to get lifted, but I was way too beat up to feel any joy. I felt cheated and taken advantage of. I couldn’t understand why there were never any consequences for my husband. If it was that easy to get away with telling lies under oath, why did the court even make you swear to tell the truth? Why did a person who’s whole job is to see through people’s bullshit not see my husband’s true colors? Would the judge overlook my husband’s vindictiveness as well?

My lawyer assured me that today was the day I would get my kid back, and we would figure everything else out from there.

We walked into court well before our scheduled appearance time to find an almost empty court room. I was used to a jam packed room of divorcees waiting for their turn to appear, so the quiet was a nice change. A man and a woman were sitting at the bench while the judge was back in his chambers, and the court room was eerily silent. My emotions were a mix of excitement and anger. I wasn’t sure which one was stronger. As I started to get lost in my own thoughts I was startled by commotion in the front of the room. I watched the back of the women’s head as she turned to her future ex-husband and started going off on him.

“If I’m going down you’re going down with me!!!”

Her finger was pointing in the direction of her victim’s face and her tone was shrewd. The future ex-husband sat in his chair and looked straight ahead without any reaction.

“#$^%#&^%$*&^%*&^%*&!!!!!!!!”

She didn’t let up. Eventually the court security guard stepped in.

“Ma’am, settle down please!”

The verbal barrage stopped and silence set in again for about 30 seconds. Apparently the woman was under the impression that if she yelled at her husband in a quieter voice it would be ok by the court.

She proceeded to get out of her chair and sat in the chair next to him, and continued to obliterate him in the same tone, but a lower voice.

“Ma’am!!! Please sit back in your chair!!!”

I realized in this moment how well I had been doing throughout this whole ordeal. My lawyer was constantly praising me for doing such a great job staying calm, level-headed, and generally sane. I had no idea what he was talking about until I saw this seemingly normal looking woman woman lose her mind on her husband on the courtroom bench. Chances are this guy didn’t steal the woman’s baby. He probably didn’t steal her clothes or her furniture either. Nevertheless she had completely lost control.

I had no baby, less clothes, and barely any money to buy new furniture… but I had my sanity. I couldn’t control the circumstances around me, but I could control what goes on in my mind (a central theme of my latest read). If I could manage to keep it that way I would make it through this. At that moment I decided that whatever happened in that courtroom that day, I would accept it and move forward. I owed it to my daughter. She deserved at least one sane parent.

My husband’s lawyer showed up over half an hour late. We barely made it up to see the judge before the court broke for lunch. Once again the two attorneys and the judge went back into chambers to discuss our case off the record, and I was left at the bench with my husband sitting to my left. Dead silence. I felt peace. I stared at him. I mentally dared him to look back at me. He never did. Sweat was rolling from the same fold in his head that was always riddled with perspiration, and his $500 Lanvin sneakers were planted firmly on the floor. I wondered if he really thought it was ok to come to court in sneakers just because he spent a lot of money on them? I wondered what he was feeling right now?

10 long minutes passed until my lawyer came out of chambers to look for his phone. His bag was on the floor by my chair, and when he came near me to look for his phone I heard the words come out of his mouth in a low, calm tone..

“It’s all good.”

He grabbed his phone and ran back into chambers to finish the conversation.

A few minutes later the judge and the attorneys came out and the judge sat in his chair.

“I read the report very carefully and it sounds like it makes sense to lift supervision and give both the mother and the father ample time with the child”

My other attorney later told me that she felt the energy release come out of me. I felt myself exhale and slump a little in my chair. It finally happened. I was going to get my daughter back.

Little did I know the waiting and the misery wasn’t over yet. We were to come up with a temporary custody agreement, and only then would the judge sign the new order and would it go in affect. Until then, supervision would continue just as it had before.

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