Waiting for your child to be given back to you is one of the most gut-wrenching things a mother can go through. I was told that she would be with me again as soon as a positive forensic report comes out. The judge ordered the report to be done in 120 days, which put the deadline at November 2.

I first saw the forensic in August, and he listened to my story with sympathy in his aging eyes. I got the feeling that he understood what was happening right away, and it wasn’t going to take long for him to get to the bottom of my husband’s accusation. At our first meeting he told me that he was going on a two week vacation at the end of August, and he anticipates that the report would be done before then.

My husband never set up any meetings to go see the forensic like he was supposed to, so August didn’t happen. In fact, he delayed setting up his appointments so much that the forensic had to send a letter to the judge asking him how to address the situation. By the time his sessions with the forensic were finished it was already the end of September. By this time my expectation was that the report would be done no later than the Nov 2 deadline.

By this time supervision started to get really expensive since I learned that my husband wasn’t paying for it, and I called the forensic’s office to express my concern about the delay. When he told me it was going to be done in mid-November I was absolutely devastated. I missed my daughter, I was going broke, and I was exhausted. I couldn’t take this anymore. How could they miss the deadline??

Again, I had no choice but to gather myself and wait. I tried to stay busy and spent a lot of time with my friends. I celebrated my birthday at the Bowery Hotel with a big group, and subsequently went out a lot. There were days when I felt actual happiness. It was like when the clouds part a ray of sunshine shines through. I knew it couldn’t be long now.

By mid-November I called the forensic again for an update, and was told the report would be ready in January. I was absolutely devastated. How could this be?? I was going to spend the holidays without my daughter and if I wanted to see her I would have to pay for supervision 100%. Apparently deadlines were a non-issue. I cried and cried… and cried.

The Holidays were horrible. Staying busy was almost impossible since everyone else was celebrating with their families. I couldn’t go to work since the office was closed during Christmas week. I developed a YouTube obsession and drank A LOT of wine. I bought houseplants so that I could have life in my apartment. I spent time with friends when I could. I took walks in the park. I cooked.

When the New Year came I was hopeful and ready for a fresh start. I was sure this thing was going to be over soon. I had done a lot of reading and soul searching, and concluded that life had ups and downs. My low point could only last so long… right? Everyone that I spoke to conceded that 2018 was the worst year of their life, and my newfound faith in astrology allowed me to believe that now that 2019 was upon us everything was going to change.

At the end of January the forensic wrote a letter to the judge asking him if he could deliver the report by March 29.

What the fuck??????????

I sobbed for 24 hours straight. My eyes were so puffy I couldn’t see anymore. My lawyer was actually really pissed. All my friends were FURIOUS. Everyone I spoke to agreed that they had never heard of delays like this.

Luckily the judge was not happy with this request either. After a detailed letter from my lawyer asking the judge to intervene with the forensic, we got a letter from court stating that the report would be ready by February 28.

Today is February 17 and I am sitting in a coffee shop with a hopeful heart that nothing else will go wrong. It has been 247 days since my daughter has been taken from me. 11 more days.

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