The judge’s ruling came a week after the second hearing. It was early in the evening and I received a call from my lawyer. “Paulina, we got the ruling!” He was in a cab and excited to share the news. “I’m very pleased with the ruling” As soon as I heard those words come out of his mouth I was sure supervision had been lifted. My nightmare was finally coming to an end.

“The ruling is very neutral. It orders a forensic to investigate you and your breastfeeding, and also him and the drug use in his home. Until then everything stays the same”

Everything stays the same. This meant that the supervised visits were going to continue and I was not getting my daughter back. Surprisingly, I was less devastated than I had been a few weeks ago.

“Wait, why are you pleased?” I asked.

“Because the ruling is neutral. The judge read our paperwork and he just wants to get to the bottom of this.

I learned a very important lesson about human nature throughout this process: You can get used to anything given some time. No matter how terrible. I had read this several years ago in the book “The Happiness Hypothesis”, but I don’t think I really believed it. Nevertheless, I was slowly and unwillingly starting to get used to my new situation. I found the strength to accept this ruling and prepared myself for what was to come.

The judge ordered the forensic report to be finished in 120 days. He also ordered that my husband would pay 60% for the report, and I would pay 40%. I was now responsible for paying for 40% of a narrative that costs upwards of $30K, as well as 40% of supervision at $150 per hour.

And so my nightmare continued….

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